We’ve all had the experience of hearing someone say something along the lines of: ‘I don’t use pronouns!’ Here are a few reasons why it’s a preposterous, oxymoronic statement, and maybe a couple ideas how to respond the next time you hear it.
First of all, yes, you do. I just used one for you. Twice. Not to mention you used one in your initial assertion. The Spanish word for pronoun, pronombre, is more literally translated as ‘for name’. Inherently, pronouns are a way of referring to someone or something without using its name. Without them, conversations and stories would get very repetitive very quickly. The next time you hear someone say they don’t use pronouns, take them seriously. A few hours of only being referred to by their formal name will annoy most people pretty quickly. ‘Eric was getting Eric’s cookie from Eric’s lunchbag when Eric Dropped Eric’s keys out of Eric’s pocket.’
I’m also sick of hearing people complain about neo pronouns. There are maybe, at a stretch, a dozen pronoun sets in English at present that most people should learn to use, including ones like you/yours, it/its, and I/mine. Imagine if that were true for names, as well. If there were only a dozen first names in a society and some started complaining when the thirteenth and fourteenthth came along. Most modern English speakers will learn to pronounce hundreds of first names and thousands of last names over the course of a lifetime, so why not do the same with pronouns. The part of speech designed to be used in place of someone or something’s name.
In my opinion, misgendering someone is akin to mispronouncing someone’s name. People with non-English names and/or neo pronouns are used to accidental missteps and most will politely correct the mistake and move on with the conversation. If it’s a well-intentioned accident, it isn’t really an issue, you hjust accept the feedback and try to do better in the future. It’s the effort that counts. However, if it’s intentional, the connotation is entirely different. Intentionally misusing or supplanting someone’s preferred pronouns is akin to intentionally mispronouncing someone’s name. It carries the same disrespect and dehumanizing effect, and is most often the product of bias, whether conscious or subconscious.
Jessica Kellegren-fozard put out a great video recently including an explanation of how the entire pronoun mechanism of English has already changed at least once generations before any of us were born. All living languages are changing all the time. When a language stops changing, it dies. If you really care about the language you speak, encourage it to continually adapt to the needs of its population. To any who continue to complain about marginal changes now, I’ll leave you with this: Language changes. If you choose not to change with it, you can’t be surprised when the conversation moves on without you.