It’s Pride Month in the 2020s, so why not post a short piece I wrote about online dating last year. Regrettably I’m still single as of posting this, but continuing in my quest not to be. So, here goes:
I feel like dating in general and more specifically conversing in a dating context is so intimidating. In part, for me, this is because of the potential significance of any given encounter. Any random conversation could be the story I eventually tell people about how I met my eventual partner, and that’s a super intimidating prospect. Add to that the number, statistically speaking, of people any one of us will need to meet in order to find ourperson or people, and it’s enough to fill up anyone’s cons column. It’s a lot of effort to dedicate for an uncertain outcome.
Most people I know, myself included, have experienced periodic burnout and abandonment of online dating attempts. And it’s easy to see how the process can become overwhelming. IN my opinion the answer, like with many overwhelming tasks, is in pacing. In keeping in mind that there’s always tomorrow and one will make more progress in the long run by taking care of one’s mental health in the moment. I try limiting the amount of time I spend scrolling and swiping to fifteen minutes at a time, and stay aware of any potential frustration simmering under the surface. When I notice myself getting irritated, I take a break. When the biographical information from different profiles starts to swirl together until it all feels meaningless, I take a longer break. Go watch a favourite movie, orlisten to a new audiobook. I talk to friends or relatives who I’ll still have in my life regardless, and cuddle with my animals. Whatever your self-care looks like In the moment, it’s more important than it may seem. A simple truth, but one that many, myself included, have difficulty internalizing. I also try and remember that the people I’m talking to are probably just as nervous and intimidated as I am, even if they outwardly show it. I sure don’t, according to most people who’ve known me well.
Just because dating is difficult doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying. Hopefully it will pay off for us all in the long run. Good luck to all of us.